Anxiety - The Solution
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress

Anxiety: The Solution | What To Do When Everything Else Fails

Anxiety is subjective. At least, it’s meant to be. It’s too big of a subject not to be.

The way you’re affected by anxiety will be very different to someone else. That means that a one-size-fits-all approach to overcoming anxiety is flawed. And yet, when anxiety gets out of control and we need help, we have very few options available to us.

We tend to turn to the same things.

What do you do when you need help for anxiety?

There are the two steps most of us take:

  1. Go to your doctor
  2. Go to Dr Google

These were my usual stomping grounds. If I weren’t in and out of the doctor’s surgery, I was on Google looking for the next quick fix and cure. 

‘Maybe the next thing I try will be the thing that works?’

Go to your doctor, and the NHS will dictate what course of action you take. That’s usually in the form of medication or a long waiting list for counselling, involving CBT and/or hypnotherapy treatment.

Google, or Dr Google, is sold to the highest bidder. That means the medicines, programmes, methods, and any other product offering a cure for anxiety, dominate the market – if they have the largest budget to do so. A large budget doesn’t make the product good or effective. It could be as insidious as meaning they are skilled at taking money from vulnerable, highly anxious people.

If these few options are so effective, why is anxiety still rampant in our society in epidemic proportions?

It’s because these options – the ones given to us in a controlled way – might not be that good. If they were, we wouldn’t have the big problem we’ve got with anxiety in our society today. We would all be ‘cured’. You only need to have a conversation with a friend or look at social media to see and hear how far from reality that is.

The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Anxiety Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again.

If you’re trapped in a cycle of anxiety, one you’re finding hard to break free from, it might be time to look outside the box – outside of these usual options.

What’s in the box isn’t helping you.

Those solutions we tend to jump to first might be the very things keeping you trapped and disallouisoned.

Stopping the search for your next quick fix or cure could be the thing that liberates you and ends the continuous struggle.

Overcoming anxiety is a journey

The anxiety solution is a journey that requires a series of answers that fit you at the right time in your life. In other words, what worked for you and your anxiety when you were twelve year’s old is very different to what will comfort you and work for you today.

We get trapped in the notion that there should be one solution for anxiety because it makes it simpler. We pin all our hopes on that thing (the thing we’re trying at that time), only to get disillusioned and disappointed when we fail – or when the effects wear off.

Overcoming anxiety should be simple, and if you’re familiar with my bestselling book Anxiety Rebalance, you’ll know that simplicity is very much my preference. But getting trapped in this notion of ‘one solution for anxiety’ will keep you in a neverending cycle of despair. It will keep you jumping from one thing to the next, never satisfied or at peace with yourself.

The healthy approach to overcoming anxiety is to appreciate that anxiety is a normal part of life, and always will be. Appreciate that anxiety isn’t something you can switch off or cure. When you keep looking for that illusive cure, you’ll continue looking for answers that don’t exist.

When anxiety is getting out of control over a sustained period of time, don’t let that panic continue taking you down a route of despair and disappointment.

Anxiety not having a cure shouldn’t concern you – let it take you in a new direction. A direction that doesn’t see you get trapped in the box. If you keep turning to the same things that never worked or made a difference for you, you’ll keep getting the same result. As Albert suggests, that is the definition of insanity. You’ll stay trapped in a cycle created by the very same institutes that promised to help.

You’re not a failure if you’ve tried all the ‘usual’ stuff and it hasn’t worked. That mainstream stuff offered to the masses (the society still deeply affected by anxiety) might not be right for you.

What is right for you?

It would be controlling and cult-like of me to suggest that I know the precise answer to that. It would also be unrealistic for me to suggest one solution because, as I’ve suggested, there isn’t just one answer. The anxiety solution comes back to the fact that overcoming anxiety is a journey. It’s not about one specific answer.

That journey – your journey – is based on the anxieties (fears) you experience at different times in your life. The answer that works as a solution for you today could be very different to the answer that creates action and change for you tomorrow.

The balanced approach

I like to adopt a holistic, balanced approach to overcoming anxiety.

That involves shifts and changes in both my mindset and lifestyle to adapt to what is right for me at any given time.

When I feel highly anxious, or like I have no energy (depressed), my automatic reaction isn’t to call the doctor or jump on Dr Google, like it used to be. When I did that, I stayed trapped in an endless cycle that got me nowhere.

Now, I search within, and the answer that comes back is always the same: take action.

This approach keeps me away from the mainstream trap.

It helps me appreciate, as I grow and evolve, the answers I need, change.

It stops me from beating myself when I experience a challenging time – because I know that everyone goes through challenging times. That doesn’t make me a failure – it makes me human.

This approach reinforces the habit of taking action – the only thing needed to make significant change.

Taking action could mean something as small as getting up off my seat and changing my environment, rather than sitting and staying rooted to the same spot allowing all the worrying thoughts to take over.

Small steps are all it takes.

Whatever approach you decide is right for you, try not to get stuck in the mainstream cycle. Try not to pin all your hopes on one solution. Try to keep taking action and making small steps towards where it is you want to be.

If you’re fed up with the same results, ditch the insanity, and do something different.

Anxiety Rebalance
Clive Fogelman
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Self-Confidence, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

Yoga, Meditation and Inspiration For Overcoming Anxiety With Clive Fogelman

In his late 20’s, Clive Fogelman lost both his parents within six months. He was then diagnosed with bowel cancer a few years later.

Clive credits both yoga and meditation as significant tools for dealing with his anxiety through this challenging time and says that by using these things as a ‘toolkit’, everyone can benefit.

Whether it’s focusing on your breathing while waiting for the kettle to boil, or paying more attention to your surroundings when walking to work, everybody can put a little more mindfulness into their day.

We spoke about:

  • The importance of ‘inviting yourself’ to connect with your body and how you feel.
  • Breathing techniques to deal with anxiety and stress instantly.
  • Bringing yourself back to the present.
  • How becoming more self-aware can help you deal with everyday emotions.
  • Taking all experiences (good and bad) and seeing them as something to observe – without judgment or feeling like they’re going against you.
  • The power of the mind and belief.
  • How to use a mindfulness pause.
  • Letting the journey present itself, and dealing with whatever is part of it without fear dictating how you feel.

Clive has been a yoga and meditation teacher for nearly a decade. You can find out more about what Clive does at www.helloyoga.co.uk

Anxiety Rebalance
Alison Edgar
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Panic Attacks, Self-Confidence, Stress, Success & Wellbeing, Work-life Balance

The Surprising Connection Between Sales and Overcoming Anxiety With Alison Edgar

Alison Edgar, aka The Entrepreneur’s Godmother, started her own venture when she was 46. Since then, she’s been voted one of the UK’s top business advisors, with invitations to both Downing Street and Buckingham Palace.

It turns out that sales (selling) is a surprising handy skill to have when it comes to overcoming anxiety.

We spoke about:
– The importance of asking for help.
– Making a change, even when it scares you.
– How to avoid regret.
– Why ‘real men’ do cry.
– Dealing with anxiety, stress and pressure at work, and as an entrepreneur.
– The pressures of money and debt.
– Staying motivated through challenges.

Anxiety Rebalance
How the 80/20 Rule Will Help You Deal With Your Worry and Anxiety
Anxiety, Fear, Happiness, Self-Confidence, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

How the 80/20 Rule Will Help You Deal With Your Worry and Anxiety

The 80/20 Rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, shows us why 80% of our worry (and the anxiety that comes with it) is made up by us.

If you haven’t heard of the 80/20 rule (also known as the Pareto Principle), the basic principle of it is that roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

Effects of what? Causes of what? I hear you say.

Anything.

That’s the whole point of the Pareto Principle. It relates to anything – and it’s surprisingly accurate in relation to anything.

Seeing as I spend most of my time in the world of anxiety, and seeing as you’re probably here because you want to manage your anxiety better, I thought it might help us with managing our anxiety. And it does. Massively.

When I discovered the principle and how accurate it was, it helped me appreciate just how much of my worry, anxiety and stress was real and how much was made up by me.

In other words, it helped me see and appreciate that I was my own worst enemy!

How the 80/20 rule relates to overcoming anxiety

The Pareto Principle is such a powerful and accurate principle, it’s well worth us translating its meaning into overcoming anxiety. And that’s the bit I want to help you with.

When we link the 80/20 rule with overcoming anxiety, it shows us that 8/10 of your problems don’t exist.

That’s a decent bit of knowledge to have – especially when it comes to reducing our anxiety.

You’ll have about 60,000 thoughts tomorrow. If you’re dealing with high anxiety, most of those thoughts will be worrying ones. You know the type of worrying thoughts I’m talking about. They normally start with ‘what if…?’. They’re thoughts based on us trying to predict the future and worrying about the past (what’s already happened).

Summed up: Overthinking.

What the Pareto Principle shows us is out of all those worrying thoughts you have, 8 out of 10 of them won’t be real. 8 out of 10 of the things causing you anxiety is made up by you.

On the flipside of that, it means that roughly 20% of the things you worry about are worth worrying about. They’re the things worth spending your time on. And when you spend your time on those things, they make a difference to your life.

What does this knowledge do for you?

I’m hoping it does two things:

  1. It helps you appreciate that nearly all of your worry, and therefore all of your anxiety, is made up by you. That means that when you start taking more control the impact can be significant.
  2. It instantly reassures you to know that your problems and worries aren’t as big and overwhelming as you thought they were. When you focus on the 2/10 things that count, it gives you the confidence to know you can handle it.

Try it for yourself.

If you’ve read this and think the 80/20 rule is a bit of a crock, or you’re still not convinced, try it for yourself.

When you wake up tomorrow, have a piece of paper and pen handy, and write down every worrying type thought you have throughout the day, no matter how big or small.

At the end of the day, go through your list and tick all the thoughts you had that were made up – all the worrying thoughts that were not real – things that didn’t happen.

I’d be very surprised if at least 80% of those thoughts on your list weren’t ticked.

BTW – If you’ve got all your predictions for the future 100% accurate, please get in touch. You and I can make some serious money.

Anxiety Rebalance
Calm state of mind
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

3 of the Best Ways to Control Your Anxious Thoughts

High anxiety makes our mind race out of control. Negative thoughts consume us, and we just want them to stop. What can we do to control these anxiety-related thoughts?

Let’s cut to the chase.

You can’t control all your thoughts.

You have about 60,000 thoughts a day. (You can easily add another 10k to that when you’re anxious.) How are we supposed to control all of them?

It’s impossible.

BUT – and there is a BIG but – there are things we can do to manage them.

Here are three of the best ways you can control and manage your anxious thoughts.

#1: Stop the seed from growing

Although we don’t have complete control over the thoughts that enter our minds, we do have control over what we do with them.

A thought isn't real until you make it real by taking action - Carl Vernon

Think of each of your thoughts like a seed in a pot.

Like a seed, a thought has the potential to grow, or not grow at all.

Rather than allow your thoughts to run riot, start becoming consciously aware of all your thoughts – especially the negative ones.

With each thought you have that grabs your attention, decide at that moment whether you want it to grow or whether you want to stump it.

The easiest and quickest way to do this is to filter your thoughts between two categories:

Category 1: The thoughts that are destructive and lead to further anxiety (panic).

Category 2: The thoughts that are constructive and worth your time and focus.

If you decide your thought is in category one and is destructive, aim to stump it. Keep it buried in the soil. Proactively decide to think of something else and shift your focus (see #2 below).

For example: ‘I’ll never overcome anxiety.’

That’s the type of destructive thought that will get you nowhere and one you want to stump from growing.

If you decide your thought is in category two and is constructive, aim to water it. Just like a seed, water it with further constructive thoughts and allow it to grow and flourish.

For example: ‘I know it’s going to challenge me, but I’m going to do it anyway.’

That’s the type of constructive thought that is going to take you places – a thought you should water and allow to grow that will produce offshoots like ‘I can handle the challenge. I’ve already faced lots of challenges and I’ve proved I can do it’.

The more destructive thoughts you can stump and the more constructive thoughts you can water, the better the level of control you’ll have.

#2: Shift your focus

Have you noticed, the more you focus on your problems, the bigger they seem?

Have you also noticed how when you focus on your problems they continue to duplicate? Like when Mogwai from the film Gremlins gets wet – they just keep popping up uncontrollably and end up becoming gremlins!

Although most of these gremlins (problems) aren’t real, they surround us, suffocate us, and cause us bags of stress and anxiety.

This is all down to our focus and the fact that: whatever you focus on, you get more of.

When we choose to focus on the ‘what ifs…’ we go looking for things to worry about. And when we look for things to worry about we create things that aren’t real!

If we want more control over our thoughts and less stress and anxiety, we need to start dealing with facts and reality.

We need to focus on what is real.

Stressing and worrying about the things out of your control and things that aren’t real is a waste of your valuable time and effort.

When you pay attention to your daily thoughts, you’ll appreciate how much you worry about things that don’t actually exist. If you think about most of the thoughts you have related to the future (particularly the negative ones), how many actually come true?

It really does pay to focus on the things that count, not on things that don’t exist.

If a thought doesn’t allow you to grow and its only purpose is to stump your growth, ignore it – move on.

Out of those 60,000+ thoughts a day, it’s inevitable some will be negative. You can’t prevent these thoughts from entering your head, but it’s up to you what you do with them.

It’s up to you whether they become real, or don’t exist at all. That is something you have 100% power over.

#3: Don’t try to control your anxious thoughts

Probably the most effective of the three.

When we try to control something (or someone) we usually end up worse off – especially when it comes to anxiety-related thoughts.

It’s easier to come to the conclusion that life is unpredictable and, because of such, trying to control everything in our lives only leads to frustration and despair.

Just let your thoughts be.

Don’t hold on to them. Get skilled at letting them go.

Better still, get skilled at letting the negative ones go and allowing the good ones to flourish.

Your thoughts don't own you - Carl Vernon

If you’re going through a hard time, know that it will pass. It always does.

It’s not a question of if, it’s when.

Until you reach that point of strength (because you will), keep letting those negative anxiety-related thoughts pass through.

A little like a visitor passing by. They might stay for a little while – maybe even outstay their welcome – but eventually, they will go.

Overcoming anxiety and the thoughts around it is about timing as much as anything else.

Be patient and know that you will reach a better level of strength. When you do, those negative anxiety-related thoughts will get less invasive.

Continue to shift your focus to the thoughts that need a good watering, and let go of the ones that are no good for you.

You’ll reach that level of strength much quicker.

Anxiety Rebalance
Making a mistake
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

The 5 Biggest Mistakes I Made When Suffering From Anxiety

I made some big mistakes when I was suffering from anxiety. Are you making the same mistakes, and can you dodge them to save yourself bags of time and frustration?

We have to go through our own experiences and mistakes to really appreciate them as a learning curve, but if I can save you some time and frustration, then there’s no harm in that.

I made some BIG mistakes when I was suffering from anxiety.

It was rectifying these mistakes that made all the difference for me.

Here are the top five mistakes I made when suffering from anxiety. See if you can relate.

Mistake #1: I thought I needed a cure

The biggest mistake of them all.

I spent years looking for a cure and wondered why I couldn’t find one.

I couldn’t find one because a cure for anxiety doesn’t exist!

Looking for a cure for anxiety was as useless as looking for a cure for getting upset or angry. These emotions might come with unwanted feelings, but they are part of life – just like getting anxious is.

The answer to overcoming high anxiety is appreciating that there is no cure needed.

The answer to overcoming high anxiety is to manage it better – to get it back to a better level of balance.

Mistake #2: I didn’t talk about my anxiety

Bottling things inside gets you nowhere. In fact, it makes things seem 100 times bigger than they are – anxiety included.

I used to think I was weak if I said what was on my mind, so I kept it all in.

With time, I learnt that true strength comes from the ability to talk.

You’ve got to talk about what’s on your mind.

It’s not always possible with the people closest to you, and someone impartial like a counsellor can be a good option.

The most important thing is you get talking, and don’t stop talking about how you feel.

Mistake #3: I thought I was abnormal

That first trip to Dr Google was a shocker.

All those years believing I was the only person on the planet suffering from high anxiety gone in a second of googling ‘anxiety’.

It’s a nice relief to know you’re not alone – mostly because the thought of being ‘abnormal’ just increases the anxiety levels.

About 1 in 4 of us will deal with higher than normal levels of anxiety at any one time.

You’re definitely not alone.

Mistake #4: I didn’t give myself enough ‘me’ time

Sixteen-hour work days took their toll.

To cope, I’d drink copious amounts of coffee throughout the day, only give myself time to eat junk food, drink a bottle of wine a night, and be lucky if I got a few hours sleep at night.

Ummmm.

No wonder I suffered from high anxiety and uncontrollable stress! My lifestyle was shocking.

Anxiety and stress are controlling you or you're managing them - Carl Vernon

At the time, when I was in the thick of it, it seemed normal. I just got on with it – that was until the anxiety and stress got so bad I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.

Looking back, it is clear I needed more balance in my life.

We can’t keep running at 100mph and expect not to hit a slump.

There is a better balance to be had, and that includes more time for the stuff that puts a smile on your face.

Mistake #5: I didn’t take the small steps needed to change

Along with mistake #1, this was the biggest mistake I made.

I thought if I just got on with it, things would fix themselves and get better with time.

They didn’t.

In other words, I wasn’t doing any of the steps that would have put me on a different course. I just expected things to change without changing them.

It’s the old classic (the old ones are always the best): If you want something different, you’ve got to do something different.

I always had an excuse to be anxious or stressed, which is why I could have also called this Mistake #5: I always had an excuse for being anxious and stressed.

It’s time to ditch the excuses and take the small steps needed to create the change you want.

What small step can you take to put yourself on a different course?

What something different are you going to do?

Because ultimately, that’s all it takes.

Anxiety Rebalance
Law of Attraction for Anxiety
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

Does the Law of Attraction Help With Anxiety?

Some of us swear by it. Some of us think it’s rubbish. Most of us have heard of the law of attraction and have a good idea of how it works. Does the law of attraction help with anxiety, and can it work for you?

If you haven’t heard of the law of attraction, the basic principle of it is: You can attract the things you want in life if you think and believe in them.

These things can be money, a partner, a Ferrari, better health – anything you like.

So, if you want better health, for example, all you have to do is think about better health and you’ll attract it in your life.

If you want more money, think about money coming to you.

If you want a partner, think about that partner coming into your life.

… and so on.

Sounds good, right?

It is, but there is a crucial caveat to actually getting these things that the law of attraction misses. It’s the reason most of us wish for things only to be disappointed when they don’t come to fruition.

How many times have you achieved something just by thinking about it?

It’s true. You have to think about and believe in something for it to become real and part of your life. This is the bit where the law of attraction is spot on.

But the law of attraction falls short on the taking action bit.

Let’s take a look at a simple equation based on getting better health the law of attraction way.

Think about better health = Manifest better health in your life

The crucial bit that the law of attraction misses out is in the middle.

Think about better health = TAKE ACTION = Manifest better health in your life

Taking action is what will get you better health. In the example of better health, the action part is exercising.

I know it’s not necessarily what we want to hear, but we have to go do something for something to happen.

The same goes for overcoming anxiety.

Action is the difference between being stuck in the mental mire of anxiety and getting yourself back on track.


The common sense approach to overcoming anxiety

We have tons of thoughts a day (about 60,000). They’re not all real.

The only thing that makes your thoughts real is when you take action on them.

Hoping and praying law of attraction

You decide which thoughts to act on.

You can act on the thought that tells you that you’ll never overcome anxiety, or you can act on the thought that tells you to go do something constructive, like a hobby.

It’s your choice.

The basic principle of the law of attraction is spot on.

What you think of you get more of.

This is the common sense approach that works.

And it is common sense. There is no secret to the law of attraction.

You get more of what it is you think of.

If you think and believe positive things, like overcoming anxiety, you’ll attract positive things in your life.

If you think and believe negative things, like being stuck with high anxiety for the rest of your life, that is more likely to come true.

Henry Ford says it best.

Henry ford anxiety

It’s a lovely concept to think we can get what we want, including overcoming anxiety, just by thinking, wishing, praying, hoping and believing. It’s why the law of attraction is so popular.

But common sense will tell us if we sit in a chair all day thinking, wishing, praying, hoping and believing without adding action, we’re not going to get very far.

If you want to overcome anxiety, you have to take action.

What action will you take to overcome anxiety?

Anxiety will make you feel stuck. It will make you feel like you’re powerless to its manipulative ways.

There is only one way to get out of this mental mire.

Take action.

Action is the cure-all.

Action brings you the wealth you want.

Action bags you the partner.

Action buys the car, house, or whatever it is you want.

Most important of all, action overcomes anxiety.

This leaves one question to answer.

What action are you going to take to overcome anxiety?

Here are a few suggestions.

Don’t just think about it – go do it.

Don’t wish and hope – go make it happen.

Don’t leave any situation without taking an action.

Get in the habit of taking action.

Taking the first step of action might be the anxiety-buster you’ve been waiting for. It could be the one thing that makes all the difference.

Significant change always starts with just one small step. One small action.

Anxiety Rebalance