Panic Attacks - Stop the bully
Anxiety, Fear, Panic Attacks, Toxic People

Panic Attacks: Stop The Bully

We’ve all faced a bully at some point.

School, work, college, home – they’re everywhere.

They exist because they can.

There are two sides to bullying. (1) the bully, and (2) the victim.

For a bully to do what they do, there needs to be a victim.

You might not have chosen to get bullied, but being a victim is a choice.

When it comes to being bullied by panic attacks, we can choose not to be a victim any longer.

The surprising connection between a bully and a panic attack

Panic attacks and bullies operate in the same way.

Panic attacks can only exist in a highly anxious, vulnerable state of mind. That is where they flourish. With all the ‘what if’s. . .’, there’s plenty of fuel to stoke the fire of panic.

When our minds are controlled and confident, there’s no victim – nothing for the panic attack to feed on.

What is a bully’s sole intention?

To inflict mental, emotional, and sometimes physical pain.

How does a bully achieve it?

Through intimidation, and by having the attention he craves. No attention means no fuel to stoke the fire.

Why does a bully, bully?

Who cares. Just know that a bully bullies because he can. Forget about understanding his twisted mentality and why he would want to inflict mental, emotional, and sometimes physical pain. Instead, focus on what matters. Focus on the choice you have.

The choice

When it comes to being bullied by panic attacks, you do have a choice. I want to make that choice clear to you.

Deal with the bully (panic attacks), or face them for the rest of your life.

Why do some people get bullied and others don’t? You might try and factor in physical presence, but you can guarantee there are examples of people with a bodybuilding physique who get bullied – just like there are examples of smaller people who don’t get bullied.

There will be lots of factors that dictate why some people get bullied and others don’t, but the overriding factor is being a victim.

When I say a bully bullies because he can, it’s because there has to be a victim for the bullying to take place.

Being a victim is a choice.

It’s not your fault if someone chooses to bully you, but it is your fault for letting it continue to happen.

Nobody said facing a bully is easy. But is it any harder than the prospect of dealing with panic attacks for the rest of your life?

Handing over your pocket money to the bully might prevent him from hitting you, but he’ll be back for more. The problem doesn’t go away.

Giving your pocket money away only compounds the problem and makes it worse. The more you do it and give in, the more the bully will expect you to do it.

You have to get to a place that says no more.

I don’t care how you get there, but you have to reach a level where you’re so pissed off with being pushed around, you’re not willing to take it any longer.

I found the best emotion to tap into for this is anger.


If you’re getting bullied by panic attacks, you should be angry.

Anger, when channelled in the right way, is an emotion that supersedes panic. It’s the quickest tool you can use to break the victim mentality.

Get frustrated. Get angry. Get however you need to get to create change.

Unlike your dad’s advice, I’m not telling you to punch the bully in the face. That’s the good thing about a panic attack. You don’t need to.

Anyway, punching yourself in the face won’t do you any good.

You are your own bully

When I say ‘you are your own bully’, I’m not suggesting you get a perverse pleasure in causing yourself mental pain. Of course you don’t. Nobody enjoys panicking and suffering a panic attack.

Your bully is born from habit.

Through patterns of habit and behaviour, your brain has associated things it shouldn’t with a threat to your survival. It’s this association that causes the panic (panic attacks). And it’s this way of thinking that makes you your own bully.

Everyday things like going to the supermarket and seeing friends become unachievable because of the state of mind you’ve created.

This state of mind gets unravelled and dealt with when you start seeing panic attacks for what they really are: bullies.

Confront the bully

The next time you feel the bully (panic attack) provoking you, I want you to say: ‘DO YOUR WORST!’. If you can, shout it. Get angry. You don’t have to verbally say it. Say it in your head. However you say it, mean it.

If there is one thing a bully doesn’t like, it’s confrontation.

That’s why, when you say ‘DO YOUR WORST!’, it won’t get worse – it will get better.

This is a trigger to remind yourself that you’re no longer willing to put up with panic attacks and the physical symptoms they cause any longer.

Like all bullies, pride might dictate that there is some initial retaliation. Pass through it. Keep getting angry, and keep confronting it.

It will soon get the message.

While you do this, please be comforted in the knowledge that a panic attack has NEVER caused anyone any physical harm, ever. Doesn’t this just go to prove that the fear we create is much worse than anything else we experience?

When we don’t fuel the fear (anxiety), there is nothing for the panic attack (bully) to work with.

I’ll repeat the choice that you have.

Deal with the bully (panic attacks), or face them for the rest of your life.

I used to have 4-5 severe panic attacks every day.

Since I’ve adopted this mentality, I’ve not had one since.

Does the bully try it on every now and again?

You bet it does.

While I’m facing new challenges and growing, I wouldn’t expect it any other way.

But now, when I ‘feel’ the sensations of a panic attack, I simply adopt the same physical and mental stance I always adopt.

‘PANIC. GO FUCK YOURSELF.’

Anxiety Rebalance
Alison Edgar
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Panic Attacks, Self-Confidence, Stress, Success & Wellbeing, Work-life Balance

The Surprising Connection Between Sales and Overcoming Anxiety With Alison Edgar

Alison Edgar, aka The Entrepreneur’s Godmother, started her own venture when she was 46. Since then, she’s been voted one of the UK’s top business advisors, with invitations to both Downing Street and Buckingham Palace.

It turns out that sales (selling) is a surprising handy skill to have when it comes to overcoming anxiety.

We spoke about:
– The importance of asking for help.
– Making a change, even when it scares you.
– How to avoid regret.
– Why ‘real men’ do cry.
– Dealing with anxiety, stress and pressure at work, and as an entrepreneur.
– The pressures of money and debt.
– Staying motivated through challenges.

Anxiety Rebalance
6 Ways to Crush Social Anxiety - Carl Vernon
Anxiety, Fear, Happiness, Self-Confidence, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

6 Ways to Boost Your Social Confidence

It’s time to ditch the social awkwardness so you can focus on having a good time and achieve more socially.

Most socially anxious people will avoid social and business gatherings, like parties, weddings and meetings, like the plague.

I know I used to.

I spent years trying to mask how I really felt in social situations by hiding my gut-wrenching lack of confidence with pointless head nodding and fake smiling.

I think I got away with it.

But it’s no good just getting away with social unconfidence using fakery.

Fakery is just a mask used to cover up how we really feel. Eventually, the faking catches up with us, the mask falls off, and we have nowhere left to hide.

Seeing friends, social gatherings and business events – and basically having a good time – shouldn’t be destroyed by a lack of confidence. Especially when you consider that confidence is a skill that anyone can grow.

Confidence is a skill that anyone can grow - Carl Vernon

And that includes social confidence.

Knowing that you can grow the skill of social confidence means you can take a different approach. With practice, you can look to develop your social confidence skills until you reach a point you look forward to seeing people. (Maybe even have a good time.)

Here are six ways to boost your social confidence so you can ditch being shy, meek, socially awkward and anxious.

#1: Ditch the silence

Socially anxious people are quiet. They don’t say much and prefer to stay on the outside of a conversation. This isn’t always the case. Some confident people are thinkers and prefer to listen than talk. But you know the difference. The unconfident, silent and socially anxious type get embarrassed when they’re asked for their opinion, whereas a thinker will give it without delay. A socially anxious person would prefer the floor to swallow them up rather than face the prospect of speaking in public.

Boosting social confidence means speaking out.

However uncomfortable you might feel, get involved in the conversation and get in the habit of speaking out and voicing your opinion. ‘Public speaking’ doesn’t necessarily mean getting on stage. Whenever you’re in public and talking that is public speaking. That means you’re practising public speaking just by speaking with a friend.

Whatever the circumstance or situation, there is no room for complete silence. Keep practising speaking out and voicing your opinion, whether that’s with one friend or in a group of twenty.

#2: Be comfortable in your own skin

Socially confident people are comfortable in their own skin. They know they’re not perfect (because there is no such thing), and embrace and accept their imperfections as much are their strong points. This includes both their looks and personality.

Socially anxious people are constantly looking at themselves in the mirror and worrying about what other people are thinking about them. They focus on their imperfections and, by doing so, convince themselves that they’re not good enough and nobody would ever want them.

Boosting social confidence means the ability to recognise both your imperfections and strong points – and be comfortable with both.

By accepting the fact you’re not perfect you’ll stop striving for perfection. You’ll get instant freedom and immense satisfaction from that. You’ll start to feel more comfortable in your own skin, and that will ooze out of you as self-confidence.

#3: Be forthcoming and say hello

Socially confident people say ‘hi’ first. They introduce themselves without the need to be asked. They are approachable and generous with their attention and time. They know how to use their ears as well as their month, listening intently, taking in every bit of valuable information. They are honest and don’t see value in lying or the need to boast.

Socially anxious people avoid introductions. They flit from one thing to the next without focusing their attention on one specific thing, including conversations. Due to their insecurities, it’s common for a socially anxious person to talk too much, not listen, and exaggerate the truth – to make themselves and their lives sound perfect. Imperfections and insecurities are seen as negatives, rather than something we all have.

Boosting social confidence means introducing yourself first and saying ‘hi’ even in uncomfortable and intimidating social environments.

Be disciplined when it comes to communication, be sure to listen, and make an effort to remember someone’s name – that alone will go a long way. When you are more forthcoming with your attention and time, your ability to influence others will take huge steps. You’ll embrace those imperfections and insecurities and use them to your advantage.

#4: Believe in yourself

Socially confident people know the difference between arrogance and self-belief. They know that they can’t win unless they first believe they can. That’s why they wouldn’t enter a competition unless they know they can win it. This isn’t to say that they are as physically or mentally capable as their competition. Socially confident people know that on many occasions they will be the underdog, but that doesn’t stop them from believing they can win. That’s not arrogance – that is strong self-belief.

Socially anxious people have little self-belief, with insecurity pushing them towards arrogance. Being arrogant makes up for their lack of depth and skill. Underneath the skin their self-image is meek. They have very little confidence in their ability to win and because their belief system is weak a win is a rare occurrence. It’s easier to blame external factors for a loss.

Boosting social confidence means believing you can win, whatever the circumstance.

It means painting a better self-image so you can compete with the best. When you build your self-belief by knowing you can win, minus the arrogance, you will win much more frequently.

#5: Get comfortable with being judged

Socially confident people are comfortable being judged because they understand that being judged will always be part of life – especially if they’re doing things that challenge the status quo. It’s human nature to judge, and confident people know that there will be people in their life (sometimes very close to them) who will try and clip their wings as they try to fly. They don’t take this personally and use criticism as a form of feedback to help them on their journey to achieving their goals. They understand that in the pursuit of their goals they will receive negative judgement as well as positive judgement.

Socially confident people also realise that judging others is no good for them, as it only keeps them in a negative state of mind. They keep their minds sharp and focused by concentrating on what’s important (their goals) and are too busy to get involved in drama and gossip (toxic behaviour).

Boosting social confidence means getting comfortable with being judged.

When you can use both negative and positive feedback to your advantage, don’t lose focus on your goals or get trapped in toxic behaviour, your social confidence will hit an all-time high.

#6: Adapt to your environment

Socially confident people appreciate the crucial need to adapt to their environment. They know that things are constantly changing around them. Unless they keep up with that change, they know they’ll be left behind. The best example of adaptability is in business. Businesses led by socially confident people change and evolve with the times. They embrace new systems and technology because they know putting investment into these things will pay dividends.

Socially unconfident people are scared of change and don’t adapt well to their environment. They believe that things should adapt around them and their values, which results in them being left behind. Rather than tackle a situation they will leave it in the hope that it fixes itself. (It never does.) That’s why businesses led by socially incompetent people stay rooted in the Stone Age.

Boosting social confidence means adapting to your environment and being comfortable with change.

The quickest and simplest route to making this happen is to appreciate everything is change. Nothing stays the same, including you.

You Care Too Much Book
What can I do when panic attacks? Carl Vernon
Anxiety, Fear, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety

5 Crucial Choices To Make When Panic Attacks

Panic attacks are one of the worst physical symptoms of anxiety. What can we do when panic hits us, and what choices do we have?

At that moment, when panic attacks, it consumes us.

Panic convinces us that we’re trapped, and we’re so focused on our survival and getting through the panic, we forget that we do have options and choices.

Choices seem like the last thing we have when panic sets in, but we can do more than just allow the panic to consume us and take over.

Feeling trapped and believing our only option is to suffer the panic is part of the trick of panic. It’s a big reason why panic attacks are allowed to continue.

When we appreciate that we do have one more than choice, we can start to look at panic attacks in a different way.

We can look to control and stop them.

Here are five of our most popular reactions to panic attacks. One of them will make all the difference.

Choice #1: Fuel the fear and run

Drop everything.

Throw the shopping basket on the floor, and run for your life.

Keep moving forward – run, walk, jog – do anything, as long as people can’t see the sweat on your forehead and the panic on your face as you have a panic attack. That would cause you great embarrassment.

What would people think if they could see me?

What people think matters, so continue to worry about what people are thinking and allow that worry and fear to stoke the fire (panic).

Like a steam train, watch as your fear keeps your panic chugging away and continues to get worse as you stoke the fire.

Choice #2: Question your sanity

Are these symptoms real?

Are they life-threatening?

Is it just indigestion?

Is it a migraine?

Should I call for an ambulance? I might look stupid.

Allow all the ‘what if. . .?’ thoughts to continue to fuel the panic and produce more thoughts about scenarios that will never happen.

Keep questioning your sanity and convincing yourself that you’re not normal.

Allow these negative beliefs to fuel your panic further.

Choice #3: Search Dr Google

Get out your phone or laptop and frantically type in your symptoms on Google.

Fuel the panic further as you read through the symptoms and life-threatening results, believing every word of them.

Spend the rest of your life in and out of doctor’s surgeries, getting more frustrated and disillusioned with every visit.

Make lots of trips to the hospital, seeing specialists and having tests, looking for a diagnosis – one you know you won’t get because deep down you know it’s anxiety.

Allow the constant need for reassurance to keep fuelling your panic.

Choice #4: Fight the panic

Fight the symptoms of panic.

Have a battle with the anxiety and panic, even though you know you can never win against something that is naturally within us all.

Continue to beat yourself up and become more and more disillusioned as you convince yourself your life will never change.

Waste all your energy so you get to a point where you feel like you have no fight left in you – vital energy that could have been used to overcome the panic.

Allow your lack of energy to continue the panic.

Choice #5: Accept the symptoms, stand firm, don’t fight and don’t stoke the fire

Accept the symptoms of panic, and when it hits, don’t fight it.

Say to yourself:

‘I recognise that I’m having a panic attack, but I also accept that it won’t last. It never has. No matter how much I panic, I know it’s never caused me any physical harm. I know it’s a fact that it can’t.’

Get immediate confidence and reassurance by knowing that a panic attack isn’t going to harm you – because it can’t.

A panic attack has NEVER caused physical harm to anyone.

It’s the unknown and ‘what if’s…’ that fuel the panic. This knowledge will help you get rid of these things instantly.

Stand firm, and recognise that, like a bully, panic feeds off fear.

When you give it nothing to feed on, the panic goes away.

Face the panic head-on, and shout out: ‘DO YOUR WORST!’. Shout it out in your head if you can’t do it publicly. Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking – that is not your worry or concern.

When you face the panic head-on, it won’t get worse. It will get better.

As your anger, determination and confidence grow, feel the symptoms continue to subside.

Know that when you don’t stoke the fire, panic has nothing to feed off.

As your panic is almost gone, smile. Thank anxiety for keeping you safe. Reassure it, and tell it, on this occasion it wasn’t needed. It was simply a false alarm.

Keep doing the things and visiting the places that cause you to panic, and keep telling your brain you’re OK. No need to panic.

With time and practise, watch as your anxiety and panic triggers ease each time you do these things – until you reach the point you no longer panic.


Choice #5 comes with its challenges. Facing up to a bully isn’t easy. But I can assure you of this: it is no more of a challenge than facing the prospect of being bullied by panic attacks for the rest of your life.

Which choice will you make? I like #5.

Anxiety Rebalance
Making a mistake
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

The 5 Biggest Mistakes I Made When Suffering From Anxiety

I made some big mistakes when I was suffering from anxiety. Are you making the same mistakes, and can you dodge them to save yourself bags of time and frustration?

We have to go through our own experiences and mistakes to really appreciate them as a learning curve, but if I can save you some time and frustration, then there’s no harm in that.

I made some BIG mistakes when I was suffering from anxiety.

It was rectifying these mistakes that made all the difference for me.

Here are the top five mistakes I made when suffering from anxiety. See if you can relate.

Mistake #1: I thought I needed a cure

The biggest mistake of them all.

I spent years looking for a cure and wondered why I couldn’t find one.

I couldn’t find one because a cure for anxiety doesn’t exist!

Looking for a cure for anxiety was as useless as looking for a cure for getting upset or angry. These emotions might come with unwanted feelings, but they are part of life – just like getting anxious is.

The answer to overcoming high anxiety is appreciating that there is no cure needed.

The answer to overcoming high anxiety is to manage it better – to get it back to a better level of balance.

Mistake #2: I didn’t talk about my anxiety

Bottling things inside gets you nowhere. In fact, it makes things seem 100 times bigger than they are – anxiety included.

I used to think I was weak if I said what was on my mind, so I kept it all in.

With time, I learnt that true strength comes from the ability to talk.

You’ve got to talk about what’s on your mind.

It’s not always possible with the people closest to you, and someone impartial like a counsellor can be a good option.

The most important thing is you get talking, and don’t stop talking about how you feel.

Mistake #3: I thought I was abnormal

That first trip to Dr Google was a shocker.

All those years believing I was the only person on the planet suffering from high anxiety gone in a second of googling ‘anxiety’.

It’s a nice relief to know you’re not alone – mostly because the thought of being ‘abnormal’ just increases the anxiety levels.

About 1 in 4 of us will deal with higher than normal levels of anxiety at any one time.

You’re definitely not alone.

Mistake #4: I didn’t give myself enough ‘me’ time

Sixteen-hour work days took their toll.

To cope, I’d drink copious amounts of coffee throughout the day, only give myself time to eat junk food, drink a bottle of wine a night, and be lucky if I got a few hours sleep at night.

Ummmm.

No wonder I suffered from high anxiety and uncontrollable stress! My lifestyle was shocking.

Anxiety and stress are controlling you or you're managing them - Carl Vernon

At the time, when I was in the thick of it, it seemed normal. I just got on with it – that was until the anxiety and stress got so bad I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.

Looking back, it is clear I needed more balance in my life.

We can’t keep running at 100mph and expect not to hit a slump.

There is a better balance to be had, and that includes more time for the stuff that puts a smile on your face.

Mistake #5: I didn’t take the small steps needed to change

Along with mistake #1, this was the biggest mistake I made.

I thought if I just got on with it, things would fix themselves and get better with time.

They didn’t.

In other words, I wasn’t doing any of the steps that would have put me on a different course. I just expected things to change without changing them.

It’s the old classic (the old ones are always the best): If you want something different, you’ve got to do something different.

I always had an excuse to be anxious or stressed, which is why I could have also called this Mistake #5: I always had an excuse for being anxious and stressed.

It’s time to ditch the excuses and take the small steps needed to create the change you want.

What small step can you take to put yourself on a different course?

What something different are you going to do?

Because ultimately, that’s all it takes.

Anxiety Rebalance
Anxiety Rebalance stones
Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Happiness, Health & Diet, Health Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing

The Truth About Anxiety

Discovering the truth about anxiety helped me completely change the way I deal with it. So, what is the truth about anxiety, and how can it help you?

It was an eye-opening experience when I first looked into anxiety – to say the least!

For many years I thought I was the only person on the planet going through it.

That changed rapidly when I googled ‘Anxiety’ for the first time and read about other people’s anxiety-related symptoms and experiences.

This was some time ago now. Today, life is different.

Back then, anxiety consumed me. I battled with it from the moment I woke up to when I struggled to get to sleep at night.

Every day was a living nightmare.

It’s hard to describe just how bad it was, but if you’re reading this, I’m sure you have a good idea.

Answers were the one big thing I craved when I was suffering from crippling anxiety.

No matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find them.

Don’t get me wrong – there was always plenty of information and advice available. But most of it was rubbish or a scam to get my money.

After decades of being frustrated and disillusioned, I decided to find the answers myself.

On this journey, there was no greater discovery than what I’m about to share with you.

It saved me years of suffering and pain. It was literally a lifesaver.

I hope it does the same for you.

Truth #1: There is NO cure for anxiety (and there never will be)

No wonder I looked for a ‘cure’ for my anxiety for as long as I did.

It’s because it doesn’t exist!

Stop wasting your precious time and effort.

Stop pulling your hair out and hitting bricks walls.

No cure for anxiety

There is no cure for anxiety.

But don’t worry – anxiety not having a cure isn’t a bad thing.

This key piece of knowledge isn’t designed to reinforce the belief that nothing can be done about high anxiety. In fact, it’s the complete opposite.

It’s great news. 

It just means we have to look at anxiety differently.

It means you can stop chasing a cure you’ll never find and, instead, focus on managing your anxiety better.

Or, as I put it, get more BALANCE in your life.

> Anxiety Rebalance: Where Do You Come on The Rebalance Scale?

So, that’s truth number one to help you on your new journey – there is no cure for anxiety and your search stops here.


Truth #2: It’s IMPOSSIBLE to eliminate anxiety

If you’re looking for a solution or method that will get rid of your anxiety, stop the heartache and frustration right now.

Like a cure, it won’t happen.

It’s impossible to get rid of anxiety.

Anxiety forms part of who we are. It’s here to stay.

At times, it will feel like your enemy – but it’s not. When we learn to work with anxiety, we transform the way we feel about it.

Plus, anxiety isn’t something you want to get rid of.

Look at it like this…

When you get angry or upset, do you want to get rid of the emotions of anger and sadness completely?

Of course not.

We accept these emotions as part of our lives.

They might come with unwanted feelings and mental pain, but that’s part of the balance of living.

If we accept that getting angry and upset is part of life, isn’t it time we started accepting that it’s also normal to get anxious?

It’s easy to forget that anxiety is normal.

When we’re dealing with high anxiety, we’re dealing with higher than normal anxiety – that’s it.

Anxiety only becomes abnormal and something we need to tackle when it stays with us – when it feels like we can’t shake it off.

That’s when we know we have to manage it better – not get rid of it.


Overcoming anxiety is a life’s journey

I’ve mentioned ‘the journey’ a few times.

Overcoming anxiety is a life’s journey – one that doesn’t end.

Life has a habit of throwing all kinds of stuff at us – good and bad.

The trick is making this journey a more pleasurable one.

There are lots of ways we can do it. Things like living in the moment a bit more, and being able to stop our overthinking and worry – these things will do the trick.

Anxiety might feel like it’s winning right now, but if you’re willing to make some small steps, it won’t stay like that.

Let’s not allow anxiety to keep us trapped and stuck in the mud – let’s keep moving forward.

Here’s a couple of suggestions…

Read my bestselling book, Anxiety Rebalance – it has all the answers you need.

Join the Rebalance Club.

Or continue having a read of the blog.

Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best on your new journey.

Carl

Anxiety Rebalance